prayers and human-ness

Here I am up in the middle of the night. I've been meaning for a long time to use this space as a sort of prayer journal to document my prayers. Sort of a way for me to look back at the progression of my faith. Since I'm more or less at the bottom right now this is a good place to start. What I mean to say is that I'm at the bottom as far a selfishness in thoughts and prayers is concerned, not at the bottom in my faith. Does that make sense? Actually it doesn't really need to because I'm doing this for me. If you're here reading it that's your problem. The thing is I've run out of places to go with selfish immature thoughts and prayers, so this was the winner. It can't go on my "real blog" because too many people read it. What am I babbling about at 4:00 in the morning anyway?! Well, in a nutshell, I've been overwhelmed by prayers for people in my life who are currently suffering. Never far from my mind are two friends having hysterectomies this week, a friend whose husband just left her, Mike's aunt with breast cancer, and especially a sweet family whose husband/father just passed away yesterday morning after a long illness. My heart aches for all of these people. All this in addition to my regualar prayers for safety and health for all the people I love so much, and I almost can't even keep track of all my prayers. (thankfully God can!) But the real reason I'm up at 4 am has much more to do with the fact that some of my kids got cast in less than ideal parts in the current show. Isn't that insane and selfish?! This is why I don't want to broadcast these feelings all over the place. People (many that I know) have a lot of serious overwhelming things going on right now, and I'm whining about this?! Well, I'm going to try hard not to whine to anyone in real life or anywhere else, so this is why I am here at 4 am! We've been the ones with the serious overwhelming health issues. I distinctly remember conversations with people who were going through their own issues at the time. When your husband has been near death and still in the hospital, you don't really care so much if someone else's roof is leaking (literally or figuratively). One thing I do know though is that whatever anyone is going through it is big to them. I tend to take on what people I care about are going through so it's kind of twofold. I'm overwhelmed with prayers for others and then I have my own issues. Then I get annoyed with myself for sweating the small stuff when others are going through big stuff and then my brain won't shut up. My prayer tonight (this morning) is that hopefully by laying it all out here I can get it out of my head. You know the saying about when you have kids your heart walks around outside of your body. This is so true. The thing is, I think my kids are/ will be fine with the parts they got (one was sleeping when they came out, so he doesn't know yet), but their feelings are so overwhelmingly important to me it's a tough balance. The thing is I don't mind when they get a little disappointed, that is healthy and builds character. Also I pride myself on not being one of those "stage moms", also I shouldn't "pride myself" at all. Also my kids have a lot of big things going on a lot of the time anyway and they don't always have to be in the spotlight, also, also, also...UGH! See my brain just won't shut up! I'm not even thinking clearly and then I go back to, why am I spending so much time thinking like this when people I care about are going through "real" issues?! It's a cycle that never ends. Well, I'm trying to end it here.

Great article about THE Church

I am really stinking with this blog! Hopefully, I am living my faith much better than I am sharing it. I've got plenty of thoughts and eventually I think I'll get into the groove with this. For now I can use the excuse that I've just been focused in the real world on my favorite time in the Liturgical Year, and we'll see how I do in the near future. In the meantime, here's a great article that my father-in-law just emailed to me...

Subject: Fw: Catholics


I thought you would find this information as interesting as I did.

Excerpts of an article written by non-Catholic Sam Miller - a prominent Cleveland Jewish businessman:

"Why would newspapers carry on a vendetta on one of the most important institutions that we have today in the United States, namely the Catholic Church?

Do you know - the Catholic Church educates 2.6 million students everyday at the cost to that Church of 10 billion dollars, and a savings on the other hand to the American taxpayer of 18 billion dollars. The graduates go on to graduate studies at the rate of 92%.

The Church has 230 colleges and universities in the U.S. with an enrollment of 700,000 students..

The Catholic Church has a non-profit hospital system of 637 hospitals, which account for hospital treatment of 1 out of every 5 people - not just Catholics - in the United States today.

But the press is vindictive and trying to totally denigrate in every way the Catholic Church in this country. They have blamed the disease of pedophilia on the Catholic Church, which is as irresponsible as blaming adultery on the institution of marriage.

Let me give you some figures that Catholics should know and remember. For example, 12% of the 300 Protestant clergy surveyed admitted to sexual intercourse with a parishioner; 38% acknowledged other inappropriate sexual contact in a study by the United Methodist Church , 41.8% of clergy women reported unwanted sexual behavior; 17% of laywomen have been sexually harassed.

Meanwhile, 1.7% of the Catholic clergy has been found guilty of pedophilia. 10% of the Protestant ministers have been found guilty of pedophilia. This is not a Catholic Problem.

A study of American priests showed that most are happy in the priesthood and find it even better than they had expected, and that most, if given the choice, would choose to be priests again in face of all this obnoxious PR the church has been receiving.

The Catholic Church is bleeding from self-inflicted wounds. The agony that Catholics have felt and suffered is not necessarily the fault of the Church. You have been hurt by a small number of wayward priests that have probably been totally weeded out by now.

Walk with your shoulders high and you head higher. Be a proud member of the most important non-governmental agency in the United States .

Then remember what Jeremiah said: 'Stand by the roads, and look and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is and walk in it, and find rest for your souls'. Be proud to speak up for your faith with pride and reverence and learn what your Church does for all other religions.



~~~

Comments anyone?

Not sure if it's working...

two posts in one day...

I'm feeling daring so I'm going to open up comments and see what happens. If I end up with any religious debate, I'll know that I have 2000 years of church history behind me (and maybe 3 or 4 friends too!)!

Not blogging here...

I don't know what my problem is, but I'm not keeping up on here nearly like I'd hoped. The first six week session of our Why Catholic small group is ending this week. Each week we have options of how to "live the good news" and almost every week one of the options is to start a prayer journal. I sort of thought this blog might be a kind of prayer journal when I first started and yet I've not blogged here, nor started an actual prayer journal. Ugh! Maybe someday!

In the meantime, one thing that I am doing much better is actually praying for people as soon as someone mentions they or someone they know needs prayer. This happens a lot on facebook. In the past I'd often say you're in my thoughts and prayers and kind of think that counted as a prayer (sort of like God hears me, he's got it covered). I am now in the habit of immediately saying a Hail Mary for that person. Sort of like passing it on to Mary to intercede on their behalf. Since so much of the time the person in need of prayers is not Catholic, I kind of chuckle to myself that it is sort of my Catholic Evangelization tool so to speak. Kind of like, I'll pray for you, not only that, but I'll get Mary (and maybe a bunch of saints) to pray for you too how do you like that?!

I am still loving teaching 5th grade CCD. Today we had a great class, the two biggest challenges weren't there. Even the challenging kids I really like though. One is a boy who is very class clown-ish, but totally endearing. The other is a girl who just has that "I want to get out of all work" kind of mindset that I think mostly comes from school. (My own kids certainly want to get out of work-- like manual labor work-- but I think for the most part they enjoy learning especially when it involves the sparkling, enlightening conversations that I present both to my own kids and my CCD ones.) Anyway, in class today we talked about the Liturgical Year, which to me is just one more genius of the Catholic Church. I was pointing out to the kids how we prepare for big events like weddings and having babies and moves and birthdays, and how in the Church it is the same thing, we get ready for the big events like Easter and Christmas in the preparation seasons of Lent and Advent. I tell these 10 and 11 year olds that they are way ahead of me to be learning some of the stuff that I've only learned in the last few years (and I've been going through the motions all my life). It was especially neat when I explained that ordinary time didn't mean ordinary like regular or not special, but meant time "in order". I actually had one little girl do one of those "light bulb moment" kind of a-ha's...soo cool!!

rant continued

Nice title for a Faith blog huh? Sadly, I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. The latest drama is that a major heresy was taught in Madi's Religious Ed class last night. This one event is sparking a whole host (pun intended) of other issues, both in my own mind and in reality. It only happened a little over 12 hours ago! So to continue on the last topic. There are people willing to teach our kids, who clearly don't have the knowledge of the faith to do it properly, and there are people with love, knowledge, and passion for the Church who seem to have no interest or no time to share it with others and never the two shall meet. I'm not sure how it is happening that I seem to be in the middle of this, but apparrently I am taking this on as my current mission. There are so many levels of frustration with this. Not the least of which is it leads to gossip, which I am trying to avoid like the plague, but it keeps finding me. When I hear, from my own daughter, that something so wrong is being taught, I must in good conscience share it with others who are/will be affected by it. Plus, obviously, the 'higher ups' need to know as well.

I have this deep feeling that we are on the cusp of a huge "Catholic revival". In so many ways I feel like our parish is playing a great role in this. There are, however, some serious issues that need to be worked out first. In addition to this rather large issue at hand, I just got information that the church is no longer taking registrations for Religious Ed this year. Seriously? What is this saying to people?! Aren't we supposed to be trying to bring more people in?! I guess maybe they are all part of the same issue. If we had more teachers (and let me add, more people who know what they are talking about) then we could accomodate more students. In the meantime, even though my 5th grade class doubled in size between week one and week two, I will make it clear to the 'higher ups' that I am most definitely accepting new students.

Now that I got that out (at least a little), I need to pray about all of this, and would greatly appreciate your prayers as well.

A Rant

Well, I'm not really keeping up with this am I? This fall we've really tried to cut out some extra activities and still we seem to be busier than ever. I'm going to take this five minutes I have to update my faith filled, holy blog with a total rant! I am going to be teaching 5th grade CCD at our church (this isn't the rant this is just setting the stage). For years I avoided teaching CCD because I was teaching my kids all week long and this was the one hour a week I had for just me and Mike. Now the kids are older and we have more me and Mike time, so now I'm a CCD teacher. Last year I taught Madi's class. This year I told Sister Judy that I'd teach whatever she needed as long as it was on Sunday mornings the same time as Jake's class. So 5th grade it is. I'm hoping they are a little more eager to learn about their faith than last year's 6th graders, but I'll try to do my part. In the car the other day Jonathan and Madi and I were discussing CCD. Here's where my rant comes in... I get frustrated when people don't put their kids in CCD! (I'm not trying to point fingers here, I'm merely working through my faith and my thoughts.) Here's the thing, first there are the Easter/Christmas Catholics that can't make time for church on Sundays. This is a group I am fairly familiar with. I'm not sure what can be done to help this group to see the richness of their faith. One possible way might be for the people who truly are living their faith to be examples for these laisse faire types. This is the thing that frustrates me, when people who are truly in love with the Church don't get involved in the faith formation of their own Parish. There seems to be a growing contingency of people who keep their kids out of CCD. The reasons being their teacher might teach them the wrong thing or the other kids might "bring their kids down" in some way. I have a problem with this. This to me is not at all the same argument that public school advocates use against homeschoolers (keeping the light of the world out of the world). We aren't talking about the public here, we are talking about your own Church! I know many kids learn far more about their faith at home than they ever can in 1 hour of CCD (I would hope that everyone does!). This to me doesn't seem like a good reason to keep them out. As a parent (often a homeschooling one) you have far more influence on your kids than some volunteer teacher and a few other kids have 1 hour a week. You have plenty of time to discuss what was taught in class and to correct any misconceptions. Maybe not only with your own children, but how about with the mistaken teacher and the rest of the kids too?! How are we going to perpetuate the faith if we aren't involved with other faithful (or not so faithful) people?! I am thrilled beyond belief that our parish is starting some new programs to continue to get more and more people involved and excited about their church!! Mike and I are going to be facilitators for a small group/ couples study that is going to be starting in our home. I can't wait! It is our job to help one another get to heaven. How can we do that if we aren't involved with one another? How can we expect future generations to see the beauty of the Church if we don't let our kids get involved in the Church?! Remember, I taught a whole year of 6th grade CCD. I saw what my daughter was up against, kids talking about some less than appropriate things that go on at their schools and about their phones and their eagerness for the hour to be over. But you know what, these kids also spent an hour with my daughter. They saw her eagerness to learn about the faith even when it was her mom teaching the class. I'd like to think we planted some seeds with those kids. Certainly more seeds than would've been planted if no one volunteered to teach the class or if no eager kids were there. Believe me, I'm not talking about throwing your kids to the wolves here. I'm talking about spending some time with some kids who are trying to learn about their faith, but don't yet understand the depth of it. So tomorrow morning, I'll think about this when the first 5th graders walk into my class. Some of them, whose families are merely fulfilling their "obligation" to go to Mass and others who may only be dropping off their kids for CCD without even attending (maybe so they can have an hour of cheap babysitting), but I'd like to think I'll have a few kids whose parents have attempted to teach them some of what this is all about. They can help me to bring the love of Jesus to the kids who need it most.